When I came to CITA I told the group I felt like the survivor of a sunken ship who had found his way to an island full friendly natives who gave him hospitality and helped him to cure his wounds.
My wounds were internal ones and they were severe. I had lost my internal force and aim and did not believe in myself anymore.
Here in CITA I could sort out my problems, those related to my drug abuse and furthermore my depression caused by frustration stress and overwork. I learned to close chapters of my life that had still been open although their times were already over.
By defining those things that contribute to my wellbeing and those who don’t, I could establish a strategy how to mange my future life without drugs and more satisfactory.
Here I could define goals that are realistic so that my level of frustration keeps in a range that I can bear without falling back on bad customs.
Since a few weeks I’m looking forward to this new life, I think I have charged my batteries with enough power to start working on it and I feel now the urge to get started.
That also includes the question what and who I really want to be in life, because now I am convinced that a big part of my depression came from me having denied an important part of my personality to live. It was as if I had committed treason to myself.
But I do not feel guilt because of that, I simply do not want to repeat it. I have found out there that a life as a dentist is the most satisfactory to me and that by following that path it would be very probable that I could also establish a good private life.
The fact that I have been able to reestablish a sport routine in my old sport which already shows its first success gives me the realistic hope to become a real bodybuilder again which has always been an important contribution to my wellbeing. It might be hard to understand for someone who was never dedicated to this sport but not being in shape anymore and furthermore not breathing this special gym-air was a mayor trigger for frustration. I am leaving a few days earlier than planed because my family always meets at easter in Austria and I want to be together with them as I haven’t met them for quite a while.
I think I could establish an inner stability to cope with my life and the problems that may occur which I was not any more when I came.